The Man With His Finger In The Hole

” I’ve finally seen the light. It was a bulb in the shape of a guano turd dangling from a moonbats ass.”

After mocking the green revolution by always referring to Global warming as “Gerbil Warming” And always thinking that Richard Gere had cornered the market on this activity I have stumbled upon the fact that Gerbil Warming is real and widespread, and happening now, as we speak.

April 23, 2007

Gerbil Warming

Environmentalist alarms were supported by a scientific paper released by renowned Professor Isador Gogol of the Icelandic Oceanographic and Net Fishing Institute. The newly published scientific document concludes that the mean body temperature of the earth’s gerbils are rising at an alarming rate, all because of the planet’s greenhouse effect.

Funded by environmentally concerned actor Richard Gere and vice-President Al Gore, the study has already reached CSKC status – Concerned Scientist Koolaid Consensus. It wasn’t long before the Gere Gore Gogol greenhouse global gerbil warming consensus facts were in. Gerbil owners testified that their little pets were sweating profusely. Others jumped into open refrigerators or spent hours in front of house fans. Many were demanding air conditioned cages, while many others simply started the trek northward to colder climes. It’s as if gerbils were on a griddle. Continued… 

http://www.bonilogue.com/2007/04/23/gerbil-warming/

The Earth needs us, so I have come up with some ideas.

Since the methane our animal agriculture and wildlife is giving off depletes our ozone it must be contained before escaping to the atmosphere. Each animal should have a receptacle on its ass in the shape of Al Gores face with a tube attached. All tubes will lead to the international space station for storage in case of war with the scientologist mothership. The space station will rotate in sync with the earth. This also will prevent the movement of all animals. Lack of mobility will result in lower muscular friction, less friction less heat, subsequently reducing earths temperature.

Humans however will have the tubes lead to refineries storage tanks and processors in their own houses. mask001_0 All automobiles will run on methane , I highly recommend everyone buy some stock in red beans, pork and cabbage. Rendering the development of the  flux capacitor a useless endeavor.

 Automobiles in the future will be powered by the drivers methane output.  While driving humans will have a choice of receptacles which they place on their asses ranging from the simple Frisbee design to the Jennifer Lopez model. The Al Gore model will come with a bonus carbon credit. The best selection of receptacles will be at Walgreens drugstores, the Walmart of all your green shopping needs. In case your ass receptacle should fall off or for some reason you have no receptacle you must inhale your own farts before they escape to the atmosphere, consequently shoving your head up your ass. This would be the Utopian of ultimate recycling , other than eating your own shit. Us liberals will love the new law, we like the smell of our own shit. And along with the measure there’s an inexpensive perfectly clean organic high involved also. Jenkem.  The whole process will enable us to rid society of illegal drugs and their abuse. Part of this idea actually came to me and my liberal brothers when I stumbled across this earth saving and ingenuous new way of enjoying a recreational high.

See here.

Jenkem originated in Africa and other third world countries by fermenting raw sewage to create a gas which is inhaled to achieve a high. Jenkem is now a popular drug in American schools.     Jenkem is a homemade substance which consists of fecal matter and urine. The fecal matter and urine are placed in a bottle or jar and covered most commonly with a balloon. The container is then placed in a sunny area for several hours or days until fermented.     Slang terms: Winnie, Shit, Runners, Fruit from Crack Pipe, Leroy Jenkems, Might, Butthash, and Waste.
Click to Enlarge
 

Its also suspected that over population has contributed to excessive weight in the western hemisphere, thus tilting the earth off its axis enough to change temperatures in all regions. Half of us will be required to dig a hole to china and relocate there to counter balance the weight. The conspiracy will be the hope that the hole will collapse in mid process. Burying the transferees. This will be the ultimate compost giving off its own natural gas. This humongous pack of compost of course will require its own receptacle. From the space station it will look as if the earth will have its own ass receptacle, hopefully the international government will opt for the Al Gore design. This way it will appear from the international space station as if our fearless leader “Al Gore” will be sucking the carbons right off the earths ass himself. With a tube coming out the back of his head, leading straight to the I.S.S.

 Chemicals and materials normally used in contraception will be outlawed since they could harm our planet. Oral contraception will be the only rational choice women are left with. The demand for qualified oral surgeons and dentist will be greater than that of any profession on earth, rectal re-constructionists and proctologist will have the second highest demand. Fudge packers, rump rustlers, fanny packers and fanny phantoms union dues are payable with carbon credits.

 How it all started. I use to be doorman at an exotic club that celebrated the beauty of the female anatomy, so I thought. Since then I’ve seen the wrongs involved in this business and come to realize it is wrong to see women as anything other than puppy mills and how incredibly disgusting they are for bringing so many carbon producing vermin like you and I into this world.Every night as stood in front of this carnage full of these vile creatures I would see this vagrant looking creature always squatting on the sidewalk with his finger in a hole the size of a dime. After watching this stranger I finally approached him to ask what he was doing. I asked him ; ” Why are you always squatting right here with your finger in this hole ?” He looked up at me with a concerned look on his face and he said; If I take my finger out of the hole the gases inside the earth will escape. If that happens the earth will shrink like an old ballon and we’ll all fall off the planet and into space. ” And then it dawned on me, volcano’s ! geysers ! The earth had also realized that it was its own eco terrorist and all along, all this time it, was doing the noble thing of trying to kill itself ! As I came to the realization that the earth was a thinking living being with feelings of its own, I could not take another step. Another step would be like walking all over a wounded soul. I was a disease rambling through mother earth like a cancer. And even Mother earth had taken it upon her own conscience that she was a cancer to her self and the universe.It was around this time in my life when that sense of awakening hit me. I took off my shoes and asked mother earth to forgive me as I tip toed away from it all. My job, my wife and kids, the dogs, chickens, even the geckos. They were evil carbon producing murderers.I couldnt take it. And I still hadnt gatherd the nerve to euthanise myself as my friends at the Church of euthanasia said was the only hope for the world.

Save the Planet, Kill Yourself

Greetings.
We are not of this planet.
We do not understand
Your strange customs.
Your planet’s ecosystem
Is failing.
Your leaders deny this.
Explain.Your leaders deny this.
Your leaders deny this.
Your leaders deny this.
Your leaders deny this.Why
Do your leaders lie to you?
Why
Do so many of you believe these lies?
Explain
Your strange customs.
Why
Believe these lies?Save the planet.
Kill yourself.
Save the planet!
Kill yourself.
RealAudio/28k
RealAudio/ISDN
MP3From the album Six Billion
Humans Can’t Be Wrong

    —————————————————————-

I felt like I was working at Ahbu Garaib.  Everytime I hit one of the keys on this keyboard I feel like dying. I felt like a monster shooting little bolts of carbon into mother earths air supply at every stroke of my fingers . Air Supply ! Thats it !

In my rage and furry I somehow found myself  in a cave on the other side of the island. Feeling right at home in the cave , I decided to make it my tomb. I went back to my house to fetch a few of the bare essentials. Candles, Bicycle, and  my lap top.( my pic of nanacy and boxer ) After two trips I manged to get everything in the cave which is where I am writing you from as you read my last words.

After I did a google search on the bat hanging right above I discoverd it was a moonbat. http://www.thegayblackjew.com/images/moonbat.jpg

I was able to place its description by the curly cue turd hanging out of its ass that looked exactly like a CFO lightbulb.

That was the sign ! It was mother earth talking to me by proxy through a moonbats ass ! It was so moving I cold not contain myself.  I knew mother earth could feel my joy and pain because as I wiped the tears from my eyes I could see the turd and the moonbats ass begin to give off a garish white light. A good friend of mine spoke of this light once. Shortly after that he was gone. I never heard from him again.

The time is here, I can feel it. I’ve decided that the best form of euthanasia and most respectful method would be to stick my head so far up my ass that no gases will escape.I will suck my bowles dry untill I pass out, smothering myself to death on my own earth killing poisons.

In parting I will play air supplys “I’m all out of love” as I peform my last right of justice for mother earth. Please join me in the most important thing I’ve ever done with my life.

 Goodbye cool world.  ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dff0D-2XShs 

Would someone turn it up please ?  I cant hear a thing up in here.

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3 Comments

  1. Micky, this is absolutely hilarious and yet utterly disturbing at the same time. I’m not sure what bothers me more, the fact that it is so absurd, or the fact that it rings so true in all too many ways!

    It’s sad that this is the sort of thing that is being jammed down our throats. Of course, it’s much nicer and prettied up when we get it, yet when you take it and distill it down like this, it all makes perfect sense.

    I’m scared for our future. I really am.

  2. I guess when you have to , humor is the only way to get through it.

  3. Ok. I’m in the middle of vacation. My brain has gone softer than normal, Micky. I didn’t get this one. I think I need to go back and re-read!! Actually, I know I do. Man, what happened to my brain? Oh yeah. My workout.


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