Soul Searching Among the Stars

I’ve never been too keen on organized religion and all the indoctrinated beliefs that the church has crammed down peoples throats from the time they could spell the word “God”.  I was always the kid in bible study that pissed of the Pastor by asking the questions that always challenged the religions  theory.

I was too young to have any appreciation for spirituality or the quest for the pearly gates. I was a lot more concerned with getting into our Pastors daughters pants. Which was really the only reason I went to church anyway.

Promises were being made that if we followed the word of God and the Ten Commandments and asked for forgiveness on occasion, we would go to heaven.

As a little boy, the picture of Heaven that was programed into my mind was the one where me and all my dead freinds and family were sitting on top of a cloud with halos around our heads. This was kind of trippy because everyone I knew at that age was still alive except my little sister that died of heart problems when I was 8.  Will my little sister  still  be 5 years old if I die tommorow ? My second question was “If I die tommorow, is  this all the company I’m going to have till everyone else dies 50 or 60 years from now ? No disrespect to my sister,but we did use to get on each others nerves. I love her and miss her. But I clearly remember her  telling me at age 4 ” Micky, you’re a pain in the ass.”  Besides that who can listen to all those harps playing all the time ? Is’nt there any Three Dog Night,  Creedence Clearwater or Rolling Stones ? No Bullwinkle cartoons , no Underdog ? And what about  pizza and cream soda ?  Heaven was starting to sound like it really sucked, I didnt care how peaceful everyone said it was going to be. To a 12 year old, that kind of peace sounded pretty boring.

Around 13 and 14 I started the ole” hate the goverment flower child thing”. You know… The Age of Aquarius and all that free spirit crap that was just an excuse to be dirty, grungy and have multiple sex partners and be in a perpetuating mental fog . The lack of constructive thinking in those days could definately breed an active imagination. Which might be the reason for my upcoming interpretation of heaven. The feminist were running around saying God was a woman, the Black panthers said he was black, and the hippies said Jesus was a stoner. And then there was the Jesus freaks. They were the worst of all. They turned Jesus into a vegetarian wearing blue jeans and beads. And they were all dressing and trying to look like him. They also told the world that dope was Gods way of saying HI !

As I made my way through the 60s and 70s my concept of Heaven changed according to what kind of misery I was going through at the time. Or how high I was at the time.

 I drank and used drugs every single day from the time I was 14 or 15 up untill I was about 35. Between the ages of about 23 and 25 I had become a full blown alcoholic/addict. I would wake up at night every 2 or 3 hours for a drink; If I didnt have that drink I would go into withdrawls, convulsions and shaking fits. I always had a beer some where near.

All the years of snorting, shooting and drinking had caused my esophogus to rupture one day. By the time I got to the hospital I was bleeding a quart of blood into my stomach every 2 hours and then puking it across the room, projectile style. I remember the nurse at the end of the bed being all pissed off when I soaked her from where I was laying. I had a tube up my nose going down to my stomach so they could pump ice into my stomach to slow the bleeding. The only problem was that I was bleeding from my esophogus, not my stomach. And the pressure from the tube only made it worse.  So now I was puking ice and blood.

My blood type is A-pos and the hospital only had a couple pints on hand. They said they had more on the way via helicopter.  As soon as they ran out I took a dive for the worst. Then the chopper arrived.

Just before I lost conciousness I was looking at the clock on the wall in a small area with curtains drawn all the way around my gurny. It was just me and the clock. When I opened my eyes again and saw that the clock on the wall  had moved a couple minutes, and I didnt remember those two minutes. I panicked, I knew something really bad had happened.  I took one of the deepest and quickest breaths I’ve ever taken . I remember the sound I made till this very day. It was like someone had been holding me under water trying to drown me , and I had just broken free and made it to the surface. I looked at the nurse and I said ” what happened ?” she told me that they lost me for a while, but now I was going to be alright. In other words , I was dead for about a minute.

In that space of time {they say it was about 45 seconds} I didnt remember anything. No white light at the end of the tunnel, no familiar faces… just nothing.

So where was this calm? Where was this bright light at the end of the tunnel that so many said they have seen during their decsent ?    When I came back I had no such illusions or feelings such as the ones all these once dead people were talking about. As matter of fact, I was scared. The first thing I said to myself when the nurse told me what happened was ” Thats it ?!”

I don’t know…                 Maybe I just wasn’t dead enough.

Since then been very fortunate to have gotten a good grip on my addictions. I’m a married homeowner for 13 years now, with a 12 year old boy. My wife is a devout Christian that is a firm believer of every single word in the Bible. I have always questioned certain parts of the Bible. And when we both have debates over some of my questions we usually dont speak to each other untill the nexy day. At one time the debate { arguement} got so loud the police came to my front door asking if everything was alright. They said that the neighbors had complained that we were fighting. The officer asked me what the problem was , and I told him ” Oh , we were just talking about religion.”  He didn’t beleive me and asked to see my wife. When she confirmed my story and saw that she was O.K. the cop looked a little irrtated.

I dont think the end times are coming anytime soon at all. My wife on the other hand see’s it coming in the very near future. She is always trying to convince me that the scripture’s say this is so.

One night the debate was about Heaven. My wife has always held the description of heaven that is taught in the bible. I myself still had no real firm picture in my mind of what heaven would be like , so I had to reach deep into my imagination to come up with some plausable contradiction to her view. What my immagination and quick tongue came up with sounded pretty far fetched at the time. In time, that concept that I came up with has actually started to sound pretty credible to me. When my wife heard this concept she asked me if I had started using again, and if I would give a urine sample.

I will now tell you the readers this concept that has my wife so worried about me.

My concept begins with a combination of the book of Genesis and some creationism, theory and science facts.

I believe that Jesus is the son of God. And the only son of God that has or will ever walk the face of this planet.

But what about all the other planets in this universe ?                              I often ask myself about the possibities of another planets similar to ours that would have human life on it. Is it that far fetched to think that there is life other than here on earth. After all, the odds of this being true are literally astronomical.

Heaven could very well be my own planet. Infused with the soul that my body eminates upon death. The planet will be a living breathing testament to all I’ve learned while living on this planet After my soul is released from this vessel that carried it to my death. God would plant that soul in some young blooming planet, still forming in the same manner this earth was 4.5 billion years ago.

God is warming up a planet for me right now. And when that planet is ready to have me, God will take my soul and give it to that planet, and at that point the first signs of life will appear on that planet. And the evolution of man and the planet will take place much like it did on this planet. All growth in any form will be influenced by the individual characteristics of my soul. If it is Hell I am condemed to the planet will be hot and miserable and remain that way untill blows up. If am worthy , the planet will progress much as this one did and be lush and hospitable

It will be my planet, and God will of givin me free will to raise it the way I see fit, with the ten commandments as a template for spiritual evolution. At one point in the planets history when it appears that mankind is slipping into the hands of evil, I will make an appearance to spread the word of God. I will be born to my planet in the same manner as everyone else. And I will spread the lessons of Jesus that I took to my heart in my previous existance.  No virgin birth, and I will be mortal. I never understood why Jesus had to be born of the virgin birth. His teachings are the greatest gift God could give us. Virgin birth or not he was still a beautiful man and I love him just as much no matter how he got here.

I won’t claim to ever be Jesus in any way or form, and I’m not even suggesting I could come close But I believe my purpose on my planet would be to steer it in the right direction using the lessons learned from my time on this planet.

Just think. There could be billions of planets throughout the universe undergoing  this same kind of transformation and birth right now. Each planet being the child of a soul raised and nurtured and released from here on earth.

And it very well could be Gods plan to make sure that these planets are so far apart that they could never pick up a clue from each other as to whats going on. This is why life on another planets has yet to be discovered. Could God of set things up this way knowing it  would be physically impossible to ever travel far enough to find one of these planets ? And when man does reach a point in history where it is possible for anybody on any one of these planets to visit each other as casually as we drive to the market, will that be some major turning point in the grand scheme of things? We will all be able to share our discoveries and concepts derived from countless generations of man from thousands of millions of civilizations.

 We could maybe apply everything from everywhere and be a race that would finally be able to conquer disease and war and hate. And the bonus would be that we will of finally discoverd the true meaning of God and Man.

I dont think the end times are near at all. I think man has a long way to go before his real potential will even begin to show.

This concept is just that, a concept.

I dont belive that heaven is a concept. I do believe it exists as a real place of peace that Jesus describes.

But the descriptions have always been vague, so I thought I would add my feelings which are based on a lot of unanswerd questions in my life.

Happy travels my fellow souls !



  1. Well Micky, this is an eerie one. As irony would have it, this is a topic that my girlfriend and I covered the other night, since she is something of a devout atheist while I am not.

    Anyway, as somebody who has spent a good deal of effort search for God among the soulless, I can really identify with what you’re saying. As somebody with a rationale and scientific mind, I have too many questions without answer to be able to believe in “God” in the traditional sense. The best I have been able to do is consider that God exists in the heart. I am not a religious person. I think that religion is a little bit too contrived, and besides, if each religion thinks that it is the “right one” and the others are wrong, who’s to say which one is actually right?

    I have never had a life and death experience. I had my own experience which is what turned me off to religion for the final time, but all it did was reinforce the idea that God exists within each of us in his own way. I guess that makes me spiritual rather than religious. However, I do not fault anybody for their religious beliefs so long as they don’t ever try to impose that on me. After all, if it take an organized religion for somebody to feel god, then so be it. More power to them! Some people can’t comprehend the way I perceive God, but to each their own.

    I don’t know what I think about heaven. From a perspective of interest, you’re concept sounds wonderful, and somewhat more feasible than the traditional concept of heaven. After all, if the soul is energy (which I believe it is) and energy never disappears, what’s to say that it doesn’t go out into the universe only to manifest itself in something new? I guess if I had my say in it, being manifested as a planet would be apretty good choice, but who’s to say? Maybe we’ll be proven wrong as we’re handed a gold harp and a fluffy cloud with which to plant our asses, right?

    Anyway, thanks for sharing. It’s always interesting to get other people’s nunconventional views on controversial and “taboo” topics 🙂

  2. When we know so little about who were are, where we’ve come from, and where we’re heading, how can anyone not be the slightest bit spiritual?

    Even if you don’t follow a ‘traditional’ organized ideology, anything that helps you realize how lucky you are to be alive is ok in my book.

    I mean, while astronomically speaking – there’s SO much out there, that chances are, there is intelligent life out there. But from what we know, there isn’t and we literally live in a perfect situation.

    A relatively untouched Planet (from outside objects), full of life, perfect Star for a sun, bodyguard in Jupiter, etc… So, while we struggle to find bacteria on Jupiter’s moon Europa, I am ever so grateful to be on this planet, with the ability to question my own purpose, to realize where we’ve come from. We’ve won the existential lottery.

    It truly is amazing – and any sort of life experience that may trigger this sensation in you is always a positive experience. So, while I have no idea what God is for me, I do know there’s something more out there than we could possible ever imagine.

    Either way, greatly written post, very uplifting to read. And anything that sparks the remotest thought of outer worldly themes (even if they are a sentence or two in length), it even gives ME goosebumps. Take care.

  3. Well, I guess I’m flatterd. Outside of politics its nice to know that we agree or get along on one level. Thankyou for your great compliments. Although I disagree with you on certain things , it really does mean a lot when people like my stuff.

    Ahh ! I see you’re a RAGE guy. I like the music, I have most of it.
    But I’m 50 and got past the rebel revolution hate my country thing.
    But they are some fuckin hot musicians

  4. Haha, I just figure, if we got crazy right-wingers, a group of revolutionary thinking left-wingers like rage is nice to have around for balance.

    And I hope it can comfort you but I found this really inspiring quote by guitarist Tom Morello:

    “I am enormously proud to be an American. I would say that the things that our corporate-controlled government has done at best are shameful and at worst genocidal-but there’s an incredible and a permanent culture of resistance in this country that I’m very proud to be a part of. It’s not the tradition of slave-owningfounding fathers, it’s the tradition of the Frederick Douglasses, the Underground Railroads, the Chief Josephs, the Joe Hills, and the Huey P. Newtons. There’s so much to be proud of when you’re American that’s hidden from you. The incredible courage and bravery of the union organizers in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s-that’s amazing. People often get tricked into going overseas and fighting Uncle Sam’s Wall Street wars, but these are people who knew what they were fighting for here at home. I think that that’s so much more courageous and brave.”

    Made me look at him differently. And it gave me goosebumps to read.

    And hey! This is truly why I will always love the United States – While politics and religion can tear friends apart, EVERYONE still has similarities that they can shoot the shit with back and forth.

    Anyway, like I said, I love the site, gave me a great change of opinion on how you think and now I feel like a dick for declaring that you dont listen to those with differing opinions.

    Glad that I was able to meet up with this blog of yours and show you I ain’t all Anti-Establishment or whatever some might label me.

    I’m sure we’ll butt heads again at Tygrrrr, but until then, hope you and yours have a Great Night.

  5. Hey, Mickster. Found your blog…yeah, I’m slow…and wanted to comment, but they made me create an account…and couldn’t just use my handle. So…it’s me…Carole.

    I had to laugh when Joe referred to you as old! LOLOL! If 50 is old, I wonder how old Joe is?

    Anyway…it was fun reading you guys on BlackTygrrr’s latest on Dubya.


  6. Well, I meant it as respectfully as I could while typing 🙂

    I’m 24 and definitely appreciate the amount of Knowledge and Experience of those slightly older, to many many times my senior.

    So, I just hope you took it as me respecting my elders (25 and up), and not as a smartass comment.

  7. I’m not offended at all man, dont sweat it.

    All the drugs and alcohol before I soberd up probably stunted me emotionally, so people think I’m younger.
    I still like to have fun and act like a kid and play my music .2 decibals from pain level.
    {My stereo cost’s more than my car} And my hair is still down to my ass.
    It’s kinda funny because liberals warm up to me thinking I’m some kind of hippie.
    Then I open my mouth and it’s funnier than shit to see the look of confusion on their face when they hear something totally different from what they expected.
    The ole “bait and switch” He He.

  8. Haha, you make me laugh mick, I love it.

    Who woulda thought we’d be jokin around like this after the first coupla posts on Tygrrrr – too bad i’m not a gambling man.

    And I don’t even want to hear some one-liners those Liberals use to either argue your points, or start conversations. I can just imagine him saying something like –

    “No more blood for oil!”

    And you just holding your head in your hands, hahaha.

    Hope this gets in before the maintenance!

  9. You guys are so cute! ;->

    There is a great verse in the bible that equalizes us all; ‘For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God’. I love it…because that puts us all the same, and creates the basis for balance, as you said J…and mutual respect, as you guys have both found. I live in the bible belt; Church and christianity are big business here. Subsequently, you get a lot of people judging others legalistically. So, suppose the big thing was ‘Christians do not drink. That is sin.’, you plug it in to the verse ‘For all drink and come short of the glory of God’ and voila! The sinner is now the same as the accuser! Additionally, since I think the liberal mindset is one of the most destructive to reason, reality and freedom, I plug in ‘For all are liberal and come short of the glory of God’. Pulls me down off my high horse.

    My favorite way to apply it is with people who want to make homosexuality the end all and be all of sin. ‘For all are gay and come short of the glory of God’ Works…..

    So, Mickster ‘For all are alcoholic/addicts and come short of the glory of God’.

    And that puts us ALL equally as dependent on Him to come up out of whatever our pit is. Thankfully, by His grace, I no longer have to live in mine.

    And you guys are NOT going to get me to tell you how old I am. ;-> So don’t EVEN ask!

    But I will say, as the Mickster probably knows….since God, I have become ageless…if not younger. The freedom found in truly being loved tends to remove those things that age us.

    Happy week, guys.

  10. I hope you didnt throw in the gay reference because of that stupid remark I made a Tygrrrr a couple weeks back. That was just a brain fart, no excues period.

  11. Pshhh! No! That’s just my favorite way to use it around here with peeps that think being gay is the sin of all sins.. Shuts them up. I din’t even know you said anything about gay anything.

    Hm…..guilty conscience?


  12. Only guilty of foot in mouth, remember this?
    Carole said,
    August 11, 2007 at 10:28 am

    Hey Micky! Generally, I think you’re ‘Fine’. But that last statement ‘If you want equal rights in this world , shouldnt your contributions be equal ?’ really can’t hold water. There are many people in this world with equal rights, but their contribution can’t be equal, by virtue of their differences.

    Sometimes I hit submit berfore I give it that all important second thought.
    At the same time I was in a pretty heavy debate elsewhere with some liberals on gay adoption.

  13. It’s a common problem. I tend to hit submit and THEN go back and read what I just wrote, sometimes shaking my head because he either said something or worded something so wrong that I end up saying something I never intended. I’m really good for that. WordPress really needs an “edit” button for us compulsive comment submitters. I think it would save us a lot of headaches and explaining 😉

  14. Save us some really embarssing moments too.

  15. I struggle with this on a daily basis. My mother is VERY Church of Christ and always finds a moment to put in God or church-going in my mind via phone or when I go to visit her and my dad. It creates so much heated debate and my mother never really understands why I’m agnostic. She even, at one point, so wanted me to have SOME religion she gave me a Wiccan spell calendar for my birthday! She knew that Wicca was interesting to me but so are other religions. I just choose not to swallow down one theory.

    Kudos to you getting clean. I don’t know if people truly can realize how hard that is unless they are recovering addicts as well. Or family members of such.

    And as for planets, my dibs are on Saturn. I love that planet and all its moons! But seriously, a private planet is a thought. I always thought that the universe held our answers and may very well be where heaven is.

  16. Yea, a couple moons here and there would be cool. Kinda like Mini Me’s

  17. As mentioned earlier, I share the belief that the essense of the divine is also within us. Sorry, I don’t mean to go ObiWan Kenobi here but what was said in the debut Star Wars movie about “The Force” make so much sense. While I do not subscribe to the personification of good and evil as corporate positions held by divine beings, we are ultimately given many choices that effect the balance of ourselves – if not the universe.
    I spent many years struggling with faith. In the process of becoming a member of our family’s church as a teen, I knew WHAT I should say but didn’t feel comfortable AGREEING to what I didn’t feel. Religion, I was taught, to be hollow. Of course, the watered down version of Christianity the average non-church goer gets with your average Christmas season – it doesn’t provide any inner strength, yet provides a gnawing guilt of what you “should” be doing. Faith can be so much more than that. However, you have to go find it. That spiritual journey requires lots of thinking and talking…and more thinking….and reading….and when you get hit with that moment; you know. I have had those moments. Of course, my first moment I felt this…it wasn’t in church….or a Bible… or Christianity..but I found my spiritual home.
    The good news (no pun intended) is that I know that the Christian God isn’t the only spiritual real estate agent in universe. Christians have just managed to get better press. They also get held up as the most common examples, even though they aren’t a global majority as they let their brochures imply. It’s too bad that it’s turned so many people off to spirituality/religion.

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